Okay, so what I found wasn’t really THAT bad. I would imagine that the polar opposite of finding a mint condition Mickey Mantle rookie card would be finding an over-produced 1987 Topps Bip Roberts with a forged pen signature that somehow manages to get you fired from your job, burns your house down, gambles all of your money away and gets you divorced from your Playboy centerfold wife. That also is not what I found.
So, like, remember when I said that I don’t collect football cards but my wife, sweet as she is, bought a pack of football cards for me this one time thinking they were baseball cards and that I couldn’t remember where I put them? Yeah. I found them.
Oh, lord. The 2007s. I remember the first time I saw that design in baseball and I actually thought they were decent looking. I’m sorry, Topps, but… gross. Well, really… lazy is the better word. Topps, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. You guys are great and you’ve improved substantially over the years, but… damn.
That’s okay, though. The past is the past. We’ve all given whatever words we’ve had to say about that particular design and how much it makes me want to buy a bag of Purina dog food. No need to beat a dead horse here.
So I dug into the pack that for some ridiculous reason was opened by scissors at the bottom, and this is what I found.
McNair, LT All-Pro, J.P. Losman, L.J. Smith
Steve McNair. Remember that guy? I had no idea that he played for the Ravens. Apparently the first third of this pack is all about initials. Wuddup, LT, J.P. and L.J.?
Larry Johnson, Roger Wehrli, Insert, Sinorice Moss
Larry Johnson. Remember that guy? Whoops. Repeating myself already. Anyhow, it’s a league leader card for rushing, even though on the back it clearly states that LaDainian Tomlinson in fact lead the league in rushing. From the Hall of Fame Class of 2007 insert set is Roger Wehrli, cornerback for some team called the St. Louis Cardinals. Never heard of them. Perhaps my favorite card of the entire pack is the SCORING DRIVE insert card. It’s thin, super flimsy and there’s nothing on the back. Why is it my favorite? Never before have I seen the Topps, Upper Deck and Donruss logos on the same card. For you football collectors, I’m sure this is old hat to you. To me, it’s Spock with a friggin’ goatee mirror universe type awesomeness. Then to round things out for the second third of the pack is some hybrid of Sidney Rice and Randy Moss. You’d think a guy with that kind of pedigree would have better stats than the ones I found on the back of his card. Come on, man! Live up to your namesakes! Both of them! Come to think of it, Sinorice Moss would be a lot cooler if his name was actually Senor Cardgage.
Henry, Griffin RC, Olsen RC, Alison RC
Rounding out the pack is former Bill, former Titan, at-the-time Broncos running back Travis Henry and three rookies. Last night when I recalled this long lost pack of accidental football cards, I surmised that perhaps hidden within the wrapper was an Adrian Peterson rookie card. Well, I was slightly partially correct. I did get a Vikings rookie card. I also got my hopes up and then, much like my front right tire on a weekly basis, incredibly deflated. I shouldn’t be too upset, though. I’m not even sure if A.P.’s rookie card was in 2007, anyway. Shows what I know.
…and finally, what pack of 2007 Topps trading cards would be complete without one of these bad boys?
Wonder how many kids ACTUALLY fell for this?
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